Tuesday, April 5, 2011

National Blame Someone Else Day

National Blame Someone Else Day is SUPPOSED to be the first Friday the 13th of each year. Imagine my shock when I received a message on my wall (from my son) claiming that it is today! Someone has obviously made a mistake – but NOT ME! I am just reporting the facts. It will become obvious that I am not responsible for any of the following happenings

Forgotten/unfinished tasks:

1. Make my bed this morning

2. Get dressed

3. Comb my hair

4. Schedule a dentist’s appointment

5. Sign check sent to Keith

6. Knitted afghan I started in 1970.


Responsible Party

1. Dean –he wanted his lunch made this morning, and once I leave the room, I don’t go back.

2. President Obama – he wants us to conserve energy, and so I’m going to line dry my clothes as soon as my back stops hurting long enough for me to carry the laundry basket outside!

3. Leprechaun activity – they hid my comb and my brush, too!

4. This is without a doubt my dentist nephew Kevin’s fault! He failed to send me a reassuring post in regards to flossing which resulted in an increase in my level of dentophobia (aka PTSD)

5. Oprah Winfrey set the date for her final show, and announced it on the air while I was in the process of writing the check. Stunned beyond sensibility, I numbly placed the check in the envelope and mailed it.

6. Grandma Kellogg taught me to crochet first, then to knit, so I prefer crocheting! The afghan has accompanied me for the last 44 years. It was for my mother. She died in 2004, though – so that kind of took away the incentive to finish it!

Obviously, I am not responsible for any of these events.

There is one thing to consider about assigning blame. Blame assignments only last for 1 day. It's not my fault! Congress passed it as a rider to their Conservation of Energy bill.


******

Breakfast cobbler

4 medium-sized apples, peeled and sliced
1/4 C. honey
1 t. cinnamon
2 T. butter, melted
2 C. granola cereal

Spray inside of Crock-Pot with nonstick spray. Place apples in slow cooker and mix in remaining ingredients. Cover and cook on low 7-9 hours, or overnight.

Don’t blame me if it’s too late for breakfast this morning – after all, this is not my fault! You could have started it last night.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Groundhog's Day

My quest for the elusive jackalope has taken up most of my time for the past 14 months. I have searched over hill and dale, across rivers and streams seeking positive proof of its existence. I started this morning as I do every morning -- gazing out of the front window, scanning the fields. My heart started beating rapidly when I saw nostrils, then beady little eyes peek out of a den by the alfalfa fields. Would it be that simple? Would my quest be brought to a triumphant conclusion in my own front yard? .... I know you’re waiting as anxiously as I.....No, a careful examination revealed it was “rodentia” nostrils! Curses, foiled again!

What kind of a crazy rodent would stick it’s head out of it’s burrow into 5 degree temperatures?

Only one answer is possible... since it is Groundhogs Day, I witnessed the appearance of a self-appointed weatherman!

Around the fifth century ( at the beginning of the Dark Ages) European Celts believed that bears and groundhogs had "supernatural" powers. Well, at least they had those powers on 2 special days that were half-way between the December|Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. Folklore from Germany and France indicates that when the groundhogs and bears came out of their winter dens too early, they were frightened by their shadows and retreated back inside for four to six weeks. I happen to know for a fact that it had nothing to do with “supernatural” powers. The truth is, that when those groundhogs came out of their holes after hibernating all winter and walked into the bright cold sunshine, they had massive migraines hit (triggered by the bright light). So they scurried back to their burrows for an Exedrin Migraine and were knocked out for six more weeks. On the other hand, when they came out of the burrow and saw cloudy skies, it meant that they could stay outside and frolic migraine-free. Winter was nearly over and spring was coming! Yeah!

A group of people suffering from seasonal depression in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania decided that they needed an excuse for a party. You know, music, good food, etc. So on February 2, 1887, what Punxutawnians claim to be the first official Ground Hog’s Day reading was given by Punxsutawney Phil the "seer of seers and prognosticator of prognosticators." The legendary first trip to Gobbler's Knob was made the following year, and each year since. Residents of Reading, Pennsylvania claim that they celebrated the first US Groundhog's Day on Feb. 4, 1841. Groundhogs across the country have attempted to make their own forecasts, but members of the “Inner Circle” (you know the group of Phil's friends in Top Hats and Tuxedos), claim that they have the only “true” prognosticator” --all others are only groundhog weathermen.

Unlike previous years, Phil was taken from his nice, comfortable home in the town library which he shares with his wife Phyllis this morning. Yes, he was taken out into the cold Pennsylvania morning where he failed to see his shadow! People watching the event expected to see him flinch from the light, then go pale, then see his eyebrows tense (all sure signs of a groundhog migraine) but it didn’t happen! It's official, this cold winter is coming to an early end! Spring is coming. Yes, I can start planning my forays into jackalope territory! This will be the year, I just know it! Now that it’s official, let’s join the party with good music and food!

*****

Since groundhogs are known for poking out of holes, fill your table with food with holes in it, like donuts, bagels, and Swiss cheese. If this recipe doesn’t hit the spot, I can always send you my recipe for Ground Hog Stew!

Idaho Spudnuts

Cook 1 lb. Idaho russet potatoes, peeled and quartered. Drain, reserving ½ cup of the water. Cool to 110 degrees. Mash potatoes well.

2 packages yeast
11/2 c. warm milk (110 degrees)
½ c. vegetable oil
½ c. sugar
2 eggs
1 t. salt
7 ½ c. flour

In large bowl:

Dissolve yeast in reserved cooking water. Add mashed potatoes, milk, oil, sugar, eggs and salt. Add enough flour to make soft dough. place in greased bowl, turn to grease top. Cover and let rise until doubled (about an hour). Punch down, let rise until doubled again (about 25 minutes). Roll out on floured surface to ½ inch thickness. Cut with floured cutter

oil (for frying)

Heat oil to 375 degrees. Fry until golden brown.
Mix:

1/3 c. water
4 c. powdered sugar
1 t. vanilla

Dip warm doughnuts in glaze. Cool on wire racks.